After adding many people to my followers blogs, I have come to realization that maybe my life isn't as crazy and weird as I thought it was. I was browsing through a lot of other moms blogs and realize, my struggles are of course not only my struggles everyone deals with them, but my thing is, many people who deal with my struggles are able to deal with them WITH their partner. I on the other hand, deal with it alone. I of course accept this and take it on as it were the world, but here's my confusion. How come moms ( mostly moms I see there are some dads ) but how come us single moms don't make our children on our own, but yet we deal with the struggles on our own? How is this fair? My childrens biological fathers pick them up every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends of the month. Most of the time this equals to 4 days a month and 4 nights a month, and on the odd months when there are 5 weeks, it equals to 6 days and nights. How is this fair? I love my children, but sometimes it is so hard to be able to get anything done, or accomplish anything when I have my children ALONE 27 days or 21days a month, compared to their 4 or 6.
Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I will sacrifice my entire world for them, but when thinking about things how is this fair? I wake up every morning, make breakfast for my children, sometimes eat for myself, then get myself dressed, then get my kids dressed, brush all of our teeth, do the hair, get the shoes on, get the stuff ready for my sons backpack for school, get the stuff together for my daughters bag at the sitter and give my son his medications and then finally head out the door. I drop my son off at school, take my daughter to the sitter, head to work, then I leave work to go pick my son up from school, drop him off at the sitter then I head back to work, then my mother picks my kids up from the sitter and between 630-700pm I get off work and go pick my kids up and start out nightly routine. Cooking, cleaning, laundry(three times a week) showers, brush teeth, read a story to the kids, tuck them in and then finally able to relax a little and then off to bed myself. Then the next day off to the same ol' routine. NOW please someone inform me how is it fair for me to do all of this ALONE when their biological fathers wake up, go to bed, shower, eat, use the restroom, go out, etc.. whenever they please??? I didn't make these children alone, so why do the biological fathers just settle to care for them 4 or 6 days a month?? Don't get me started on the fact their child support barely covers anything.
NOW let me make this very clear, my daughters father is very supportive as far as money goes. if I struggle and need something extra that month to cover one of the bills, if he can afford it he willingly gives it to us, and this is outside of his child support. He also, splits babysitter fees with me outside of his child support each month. He is a very supportive father, but my complaint is he as well as the sperm-donor for my son, are just free and get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, and have no care if the world. When I sit her and every step I take, every decision I make, I think of my children first. I don't go out and party, I don't drink anymore, I don't have friends over. So, my focus is only on my children. Now I don't mind that because I've always been this type of person prefering to stay at home, but sometimes I just need a night or morning without stressing over everything. The biological fathers do not stress the way I do, if they lose their car, or house, or lights get cut off, or don't have enough food, or not able to go clothes shopping that month, it is okay and not that HUGE of a stress for them because they don't have to worry about the kids FIRST. This might be running around in circles, and might just be coming off as looking for a pity party, but let me clear this all up, I do not want pity, I dont want sympathy I just plain ol' jane need to let it all out and lift this stress off my chest.
Until next time
xoxo
Monday, January 3, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Happy Birthday Sweet Little Blessing Of Mine
Today is my baby girls 4th birthday. For the past 2 days & today being the 3rd day I've been thinking about how she came into this world 4 years ago. I went into labor with babydaddy on New Years Eve, we went to the hospital and that is where I stayed until January 2nd. I had no pain meds, was having some crazy contractions, had a few of babydaddys family members in the room and all I wanted was to make sure babygirl was okay. I knew she was early, we were trying to keep her in. I continued to tell babydaddy to go to work because I didn't think anything would happen, well on the 3rd day, I shouldn't have told him to go to work. My placenta ruptured and my doctor wanted the emergency c-section immediately. I was calling babydaddy and all he could do while waiting was pace at work, lol. He got the phone call and hurried to the hospital, my mom brought my son up to see me, thankfully because I needed to see his sweet face to know it would all be okay. I was rushed into the surgical room, got the spinal tap and as my doctor cut me open he said " aw look she's looking up into the world " babydaddy jumped up and saw babygirl looking up into the world while still being inside my belly. Such a sweet little blessing, then of course she was rushed off to NICU and the struggle began.
I don't want to go into detail with all of our struggles, but all I want to remember is that my babygirl is now 4 years old, almost fully healthy and ready to fight the world. She is with her daddy right now, but I will be calling soon to sing to her even though I'll be seeing her tonight.
I stayed the night at my parents last night, because I ate our cabbage, black-eyed peas and pork with my parents. By the time we were done eating and conversig I was to tired to do drive home. My parents have this dog who is just wild, he kept eating at my little sisters robe, and was attacking my hair trying to eat it. HAHA the good ol' crazy times.
I had a little bit of struggles last night within myself, but I will accomplish them. Like I said in my first post, sometimes I miss him and want it all to be the way it use to be, but I accept it the way it is. He is currently on probation and doesn't want anything to jeopardise messing up his probation and didn't want his Probation officer finding any reason to put him into jail. I see this as just a cop-out so that he can still live at home with his mom and still be taken care of because she does everything for him. It makes me very angry that he can't live with the family he chose, the family he made, but he can just continue living at home like a little kid and not take on the challenges in life. BUT like I said I deal with it and accept it how it is, just don't like the struggles sometimes.
until next time
xoxo
I don't want to go into detail with all of our struggles, but all I want to remember is that my babygirl is now 4 years old, almost fully healthy and ready to fight the world. She is with her daddy right now, but I will be calling soon to sing to her even though I'll be seeing her tonight.
I stayed the night at my parents last night, because I ate our cabbage, black-eyed peas and pork with my parents. By the time we were done eating and conversig I was to tired to do drive home. My parents have this dog who is just wild, he kept eating at my little sisters robe, and was attacking my hair trying to eat it. HAHA the good ol' crazy times.
I had a little bit of struggles last night within myself, but I will accomplish them. Like I said in my first post, sometimes I miss him and want it all to be the way it use to be, but I accept it the way it is. He is currently on probation and doesn't want anything to jeopardise messing up his probation and didn't want his Probation officer finding any reason to put him into jail. I see this as just a cop-out so that he can still live at home with his mom and still be taken care of because she does everything for him. It makes me very angry that he can't live with the family he chose, the family he made, but he can just continue living at home like a little kid and not take on the challenges in life. BUT like I said I deal with it and accept it how it is, just don't like the struggles sometimes.
until next time
xoxo
Saturday, January 1, 2011
About me, the author of this here blog!!
As one of my few resolutions I have decided to start blogging. I will share this blog with people so they can see what it is like in my daily life. Some may understand, some may not, some may judge and others will compare and see my daily life is sorta like theirs.
A little about me, I am a single mother, of two wonderful children ages 6 & 4 (she turns 4 tomorrow the 2nd) I work full time and deal with my daily struggles but also many blessings. My son is in Kindergarten and my daughter will start pre-k when the new school year comes around. My children are blessed to have many people in their lives who love them dearly, through this blog postings you will hear me discuss my son, his sperm-donor, the sperm-donors wife and their family, as well as my daughter, her father who has raised both my children and his family, as well as my family and close friends. We have a very unique family, but we love our lifes just how it is. I in many ways live a different life then others, but I personally don't think I'd have it any other way.
My sons sperm-donor is called just that because for the first half of his life, the sperm-donor was absent, no-where to be found, and I personally could care less. My son changed my life in many positive ways. When I met my daughters father, he took on my son just as his own, he supported me in any choice I made. Especially the choice that I made when I decided to hunt my sons sperm-donor down and make him start paying child support and become more involved with his biological son. It took me some time to find him, but I did it. Went to court, did the DNA and proved to the sperm-donor and his now wife & family that I infact was very correct, and the sperm-donor unfortunately was indeed his biological father. My son is now 6 and even though I can not stand the sperm-donor, he is improving slowly and becoming more of a father figure.
My daughters father, I was with him since my son was a baby, this year would make 6 years that we were together, but unfortunately it did not work out. He is a great dad, a wonderful role model and does anything for me and our kids. He sees his children regularly and would give him right arm for both of them if he had to. We are on good terms, and I believe we always will be. It wasn't so much a "nasty" split, but it was heart-breaking and I still deal with my choices and his choices every now and then. I miss him sometimes, and wish things were different ( and maybe one day they will be) but right now, we will remain mommy & daddy and continue our lives just as they are.
I live in my own house, with both my children and rent one of my 5 bedrooms to my uncle, who needed somewhere to stay so, I allowed him to move in. I work monday through friday and sometimes wish I didn't have to work as much as I do so that I could spend more time with my children, but life is what it is and I have to do what I need to in order to provide for my two blessings.
Throughout this blog I will try to post daily, I will rant & rave, I will mellow in my depressing days, I will brag about my wonderful days, and I will growl at the challenging days. My reason for this blog really is just to let my real feelings out and not hold anything back, because in the past I've come to realize that holding it all back can only mean one thing, it will eventually explode and come back on me. If you choose to follow, that is awesome, if you choose to just read that's great too. Anything I post is not to offend anyone or anything, but it is to only let the real world know exactly how challenging it is to be a single mom. If I can help some of these young teens choose a different way rather then think a baby will make their life easier or relationship better, then I have achieved something that I've longed to do. If I can help other moms who are in the same situation as I am, then more power to us, AND if I can just make someones boring day just a tad bit more interesting, then YAY that is wonderful. You will notice I will not use names throughout this blog, and very rarely may ever post pictures, only because I do not want anyone to ever try to use this against me.
Until next time,
have a wonderful day.
xoxo
A little about me, I am a single mother, of two wonderful children ages 6 & 4 (she turns 4 tomorrow the 2nd) I work full time and deal with my daily struggles but also many blessings. My son is in Kindergarten and my daughter will start pre-k when the new school year comes around. My children are blessed to have many people in their lives who love them dearly, through this blog postings you will hear me discuss my son, his sperm-donor, the sperm-donors wife and their family, as well as my daughter, her father who has raised both my children and his family, as well as my family and close friends. We have a very unique family, but we love our lifes just how it is. I in many ways live a different life then others, but I personally don't think I'd have it any other way.
My sons sperm-donor is called just that because for the first half of his life, the sperm-donor was absent, no-where to be found, and I personally could care less. My son changed my life in many positive ways. When I met my daughters father, he took on my son just as his own, he supported me in any choice I made. Especially the choice that I made when I decided to hunt my sons sperm-donor down and make him start paying child support and become more involved with his biological son. It took me some time to find him, but I did it. Went to court, did the DNA and proved to the sperm-donor and his now wife & family that I infact was very correct, and the sperm-donor unfortunately was indeed his biological father. My son is now 6 and even though I can not stand the sperm-donor, he is improving slowly and becoming more of a father figure.
My daughters father, I was with him since my son was a baby, this year would make 6 years that we were together, but unfortunately it did not work out. He is a great dad, a wonderful role model and does anything for me and our kids. He sees his children regularly and would give him right arm for both of them if he had to. We are on good terms, and I believe we always will be. It wasn't so much a "nasty" split, but it was heart-breaking and I still deal with my choices and his choices every now and then. I miss him sometimes, and wish things were different ( and maybe one day they will be) but right now, we will remain mommy & daddy and continue our lives just as they are.
I live in my own house, with both my children and rent one of my 5 bedrooms to my uncle, who needed somewhere to stay so, I allowed him to move in. I work monday through friday and sometimes wish I didn't have to work as much as I do so that I could spend more time with my children, but life is what it is and I have to do what I need to in order to provide for my two blessings.
Throughout this blog I will try to post daily, I will rant & rave, I will mellow in my depressing days, I will brag about my wonderful days, and I will growl at the challenging days. My reason for this blog really is just to let my real feelings out and not hold anything back, because in the past I've come to realize that holding it all back can only mean one thing, it will eventually explode and come back on me. If you choose to follow, that is awesome, if you choose to just read that's great too. Anything I post is not to offend anyone or anything, but it is to only let the real world know exactly how challenging it is to be a single mom. If I can help some of these young teens choose a different way rather then think a baby will make their life easier or relationship better, then I have achieved something that I've longed to do. If I can help other moms who are in the same situation as I am, then more power to us, AND if I can just make someones boring day just a tad bit more interesting, then YAY that is wonderful. You will notice I will not use names throughout this blog, and very rarely may ever post pictures, only because I do not want anyone to ever try to use this against me.
Until next time,
have a wonderful day.
xoxo
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